Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Mourning the loss of a loved one is a very personal thing.  What helps one person does not help another.  Time is irrelevant when you mourn.  It passes as always but it has no meaning, all you know is that it is time without the loved one. 

The stages of mourning vary with the person experiencing the loss.  Was it sudden?  Was it expected?  Were you there at the end?  While these are legitimate questions they really have no bearing on how you mourn or grieve.  It is easy for others to tell you what to do, even if they have also experienced the loss of a loved one.  But they cannot feel what you feel, they cannot tell you how or when to move on.  That is something only you can do.

The pain eventually eases but never really goes away.  Sometimes days or weeks will pass and no tears will be shed.  But you cannot put a limit on that time.  You cannot say within 3 weeks I will be at this point, at one month I shall be at another, at six months I'll stop crying. 

There was a time when black was the only color allowed for those in mourning, now it doesn't really matter.  The mourning period was a year.  A year of wearing black, staying away from social functions, being confined to home or church.  How times have changed.  But grief has not.  Perhaps staying away from social activities is not such a bad idea or maybe it actually helps to be around people who are not grieving.  Each person is different and each person will transition from stage to stage in their own time.

Let me grieve in my own way, in my own time.  What helped you may not help me.  Be my friend and let me grieve as I need to grieve.